I've decided that Alzheimer's really stinks! I go over and see my Dad most days, but only stay a short while. He rarely talks and when he does it usually doesn't make any sense. I now totally understand what Ronald Reagan's daughter meant by the long goodbye.
I feel like I really need a break. Visiting him is depressing for me, but we're the only family he has here and so I have to go. When I don't go I feel guilty. I even feel guilty when I wish I didn't have to go. I love my father, but my father is already gone.
Yesterday he was sitting on the front porch when I arrived. I had gone by McDonald's and picked up a vanilla shake for him. He seemed to enjoy it, but didn't say more than a few words. I sat in the rocking chair next to him and we both rocked for a while. As I was ready to leave he looked up at me and said, "I'll miss you." I walked to the car and cried. That's because I already miss him.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
5 comments:
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This disease hurts everyone not just the afflicted. I'll pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteLeann
Wow, this is all so hard, and so heartrending that he said that; I wonder what prompted it, but so touching. Be strong, Betty!
ReplyDeleteOh, Betty, I know exactly how you feel. It is the cruellest disease, as hard, in its way, on the relatives as on the patient. There WILL still be lucid moments and you will treasure them. Do you have an Alzheimer's Society in your town? They can be a great source of strength. Thinking of you in Sicily. x
ReplyDeleteI'm crying reading this, Betty. I am fortunate that neither of my parents has Alzheimer's, but watching my dad's physical breakdown is horrible. He needs help with most simple tasks now.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad he's calm and pleasant for your visit. And that he has a porch to enjoy.
I just found your blog...looking for chatty kathy pictures...I remember having one of those...but found instead your blog about your Dad...and what he said to, I began to cry too. I cannot even imagine the pain and hurt that you experience..my parents are both gone now..there is some peace in that....
ReplyDeleteyou are a strong lady...God Bless..